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Offline BristolUK

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Intellectual or clever jokes
« on: March 22, 2010, 07:07:50 PM »
There are 10 different types of people in the world: those that understand binary and those that don't.


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Offline BristolUK

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Re: Intellectual or clever jokes
« Reply #1 on: May 18, 2010, 08:36:18 PM »
An intellectual is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture and not think of The Lone Ranger
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Offline BristolUK

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Re: Intellectual or clever jokes
« Reply #2 on: April 02, 2012, 03:12:18 PM »
The Dalai Lama went into a pizza shop and asked "Can you make me one with everything?"


<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GogjFO8GNEo" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GogjFO8GNEo</a>


Paladin's Star of Excellence
Great Post

I need to change my shorts..
« Last Edit: April 02, 2012, 03:19:50 PM by Paladin (Site Admin) »
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Offline BristolUK

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Re: Intellectual or clever jokes
« Reply #3 on: May 10, 2012, 04:39:57 PM »
It does not matter what the something is but

It's like a mixed metaphor in a china shop.
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Offline BristolUK

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Re: Intellectual or clever jokes
« Reply #4 on: July 11, 2012, 01:08:44 PM »





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Offline willie c wuddle

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Re: Intellectual or clever jokes
« Reply #5 on: July 11, 2012, 02:02:57 PM »
It's good to see the Dalai Llama can laugh off a baaaad joke
 If yoo can brrrrew scottish whiskey in yourrr bagpipes, then yourr're a Plaidneck, laddie. - Jeff Scotsworthy     

Offline BristolUK

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Re: Intellectual or clever jokes
« Reply #6 on: August 04, 2012, 12:55:44 PM »
Man dining in an Indian restaurant reports "The waiter came up and asked, 'curry okay?', so I said 'all right, just one song, then clear off…'"
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Offline BristolUK

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Re: Intellectual or clever jokes
« Reply #7 on: November 18, 2012, 04:49:12 PM »
A physicist, an engineer, and a statistician went out hunting one day. The engineer saw a bear in the distance and so they all crept up on it. "I'll take the first shot!" he said and sending his shot 3 metres to the right. "You idiot, I'll show you how it's done" said the physicist who then missed by 3 metres to the left. "Yes! we got him!!" said the statistician.
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Offline BristolUK

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Re: Intellectual or clever jokes
« Reply #8 on: December 21, 2012, 02:12:52 PM »
I lost my temper in Domino's pizza the other day and ended up pushing the bloke behind the till. He fell into another member of staff, who fell into another member of staff, who fell into another member of staff ...
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Offline BristolUK

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Re: Intellectual or clever jokes
« Reply #9 on: July 05, 2013, 06:39:05 PM »
“Is it solipsistic in here, or is it just me?”

What do you call two crows on a branch? Attempted murder.

An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard and a German are walking down the street together. A juggler is performing on the street but there are so many people that the four men can’t see the juggler. So the juggler goes on top of a platform and asks: “Can you see me now?” The four men answer: “Yes.” “Oui.” “Si.” “Ja.”


How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb? None, it’s a hardware problem.


A Roman walks into a bar,  holds up two fingers, and says:  “Five beers, please.”

A programmer’s wife tells him: “Run to the store and pick up a loaf of bread. If they have eggs, get a dozen.” The programmer comes home with 12 loaves of bread.
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Offline BristolUK

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Re: Intellectual or clever jokes
« Reply #10 on: October 13, 2013, 10:40:33 PM »
A man in a hot air balloon realised he was lost. He reduced altitude and spotted a woman below.

He descended a bit more and shouted, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago but I don't know where I am!"

The woman replied, "You're in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above ground. You're between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude."

"You must be a mathematician" said the balloonist.

"I am," replied the woman, "How did you know?"

"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is probably technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information and the fact is, I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help at all. If anything, you've delayed my trip."

The woman below responded, "You must be in management."

"I am," replied the balloonist, "How did you know?"

"Well," said the woman, "you don't know where you are or where you're going. You have risen to where you are, due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise, which you've no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems.

The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it's my bloody fault."
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Offline BristolUK

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Re: Intellectual or clever jokes
« Reply #11 on: December 28, 2013, 11:09:05 PM »
A Freudian slip is when you say one thing, but mean your mother
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Offline BristolUK

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Re: Intellectual or clever jokes
« Reply #12 on: December 28, 2013, 11:11:55 PM »
Present, Past and Future enter the bar. The atmosphere was tense.
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Offline BristolUK

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Re: Intellectual or clever jokes
« Reply #13 on: December 29, 2013, 08:33:28 AM »
A physicist goes to his vice chancellor to ask for £10m for a new piece of equipment. The VC asks, "Always this expensive equipment... why can't you lot be more like the mathematicians? All they need is paper, a pencil and a wastepaper basked. Or even like the philosophers -- all they need is paper and a pencil."
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Offline BristolUK

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Re: Intellectual or clever jokes
« Reply #14 on: December 16, 2014, 09:21:01 PM »


Doctor: I'm afraid I have diagnosed you with onomatopoeia

Patient: what's that?

Doctor: it's exactly what it sounds like
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